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Hijinks in the Mouse House
Tip-a-canoe | Big Brother | Orgasmic | Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum | The Paddlewheeler | Bungles in the Jungle | Hey, Nice Pirate Ship | This Here's the Wildest Ride in the Wilderness | Pineapple, Birds and Satues, oh my!


Big Brother

Vee hev vayz ov making yoo tawk

I guess you could say these guys were really good at what they did. There was definitely a whole big brother thing going on though. Most of them were very nice people, retired law enforcement and military guys. They did however, cross the line into absurdity now and again.I almost didn't include this part in the website but that wouldn't be fair of me. To expose the truth and leave out one of the uglier sides of the park would be an injustice.
  • Damn whippersnappers--Back in 1992 not too many people had their nose pierced, I went through Harbor House (employee entrance) and the guard there told me to take the ring out of my nose. I explained that I would take it off in the locker room before I went on-stage. He then said "no, you'll take it off now". At this point I noticed he was fired up, which of course fired me up so asked him "or what?". To which he responded "Or else I'll rip that goddamned ring right out of your nose you punk!". So, what did we learn from this little story? That these guys are not perfect, and that some of them are downright dangerous cats to be messing with. Read on for more fun stories!!
  • Das Boot-- Security scored these nifty little contraptions that were originally made in Amsterdam. It's called a tire boot and you put them on the tire of a vehicle that you feel should be immobilized. So of course, when they got these new boots, they went wacky with them and started placing them on employee's cars left and right. I parked my vehicle one fine summer day and apparently, I was a little to close to the car next to me and they felt this was a violation, so they put the boot on my car. I walked out to my car at the far end of the lot after a day at work, to find the boot on there. So I trudge all the way back to security and ask them to please remove the boot as I would like to go home. They told me to have a seat. So I did. And I waited. And I waited. And I counted all the mickeys in the security office (17 if you count the ones on the award from the FBI for excellence in law enforcement). Then I retied my shoelaces. Then, after 45 minutes, I got up and went back to the receptionist and when I asked him how longer I would have to wait, he said "until someone is good and ready to deal with you". Now, perhaps this is the way you deal with criminals waiting to be proccessed at the Police Station, but this was ludicrous. After much hemming and hawing it was determined that THE BOOT WAS SO NEW, NO ONE KNEW HOW TO REMOVE IT AND THEY WERE TRYING TO FIND INSTRUCTIONS. So, after and hour and a half of misery, they finally remove the boot, my hubcaps are scratched and I got a lecture on how to properly park a vehicle.
  • Go Ask Alice-- I'm not going into detail on this one, it happened to a close friend of mine and his gang of buddies. It has been confirmed by many sources. It happened. In short, 5 guys and girls do LSD while off duty. One of them becomes so buddy buddy with Jesus during his encounter that he decides the proper thing to do is turn the other people in to security. Never mind the fact that this did not occur at work, since the mouse is his second god behind Jesus, he must tell security. A witch hunt started, people were investigated and interrogated for HOURS at a time. For the next few months, strangers would show up at parties that these friends threw asking for drugs. Out of the 5 people most were fired. You may say "well that's good, they were doing drugs, they don't belong at Disneyland!". These people were not at work, on their way to work or involved with work in any way. IT WAS THEIR OWN PRIVATE MATTER. If everyone that took drugs or drank excessively was let go from the park, you wouldn't have very many people left. Trust me. This place employed 12,000 people during the summer, a great majority of them college age, people partied.
  • 1-800-IMA-RATT--- Hey! Here's a great idea! Let's set up a toll free number that employees can call to report other employees on! And, we can give them Disney Dollars too!!! People got fired for eating a piece of bread for pete's sake. Ex-lovers were reporting each other to cause trouble. Co-workers turning on each other, it was beautiful. And if your name ended up on their little hotline, you were guilty until proven otherwise.
  • How do you like my new pirate costume?--- People grew fond of their costumes, something about neon orange polyester shirts or dirty fungus filled cowboy boots tends to really bring sentimental joy to people(sarcasm drips onto shoe). Someone reported to security that a cast member had taken his costume home. A while later, said employee is relaxing at home when there is a knock at his door. It's security and they want to come into his home and check his closets to "make sure there hasn't been any illegal activity". Umm---errr---uhhhh---- He tells them no and they come barging in anyways, not touching anything, but talking fast and getting a good look around his apartment. Once he threatened to call the police, they left.
  • Foxes in foxholes, meeces in meeceholes-- Their anti-shoplifting crew is superb. They wear plainclothes and scope out the shops looking for people to bust. Don't shoplift at disneyland, not only will they bust you hard for it, it also causes the company to lose tons of money and ultimately drives up the prices for everyone else. Don't do it, its lame.

There is more, always more, the parade of Hijinks in the Mouse House will continue ad infinitum. But that's why we like it, isn't it?

At one point, the company attempted to install cameras in the locker rooms "in order to ensure safety".